A thought-provoking read Jan. Helpful too. A significant part of me is still hoping for a soulmate. But, as I grow older that might be expecting too much. I am divorced. That happened many years ago. On the rebound I got far off track and was involved with a much younger woman: the consequence is my 7 year-old daughter, the love of my life. Alone now, single, I realize with much pain but gratefulness, that I’ve learned more and grown more by relationships that crashed, than dutifully enduring unhappiness. A partner? Sure, I would like emotional connection; intimacy that doesn’t rattle or blow away in the typical storms of life. Still waiting.
I’ve always felt like a whole, complete person. I’ve never cared if I had a traditional marriage or kids. The first time I got married it was in a state of total grief after my father died. It was a huge mistake. The 2nd time, we were both on a horse when we met each other. We are both avid equestrians and I liked his witty humor. He was well read, cerebral, and had lived all over the world. He was 51 and had never been married. 19 years later it is still a work in progress. We, too, are both curious. We spend a lot of time asking questions and looking for answers.
Like this one ❤️ my god friend 🥰. I have Been Marrid with my wife for 35 years now and i am thankfull for evry day 🥰💐❤️
Not easy to Explain , but i maybe remember to tell her almost evry day that i Love her and just that i am thankfull for her evry day and do my best inn my part of this M and dont Expekt to Munch b 😁.
Give more than you exp b. 🥰🤩😉
It is good to have A partner ❤️🥰 , but its possible to have a good life with good friends and family 🥰
Sorry for my bad writing 🇳🇴, but hope you understand 😆
My first marriage was a disaster, but I have two beautiful children because of it. After my divorce, I was a bit despondent. I remember talking to God one morning--I was 32 and felt like used goods. Who would want me? And would I want someone who also had “baggage?” I asked God to send me someone who would serve Him alongside me. I know that sounds like a crazy prayer, but I asked and He delivered.
Mike and I have been married 14 years. We had similar experiences in our first marriages, so we both understood the same hurt. His personality is very different from mine, but enjoy doing some of the same things. We have to step back and regroup sometimes when we don’t seem to be on the same page, but I think what makes us work is that we understand what a gift this relationship is and we are thankful for each other. It makes it easier to get over the small stuff.
I've been blessed with more than my share of girlfriends over my life and only once considered marrying. And that didn't work out anyway, to my good fortune as well as hers.
I’m a cynical romantic (a romantic cynic?) who believes in love at first sight...while also believing that idea of soulmates is a dangerous and damaging concept. The power of timing and circumstance and chemistry is really what it all comes down to. I could have seen myself in multiple marriage trajectories and most would have turned out pretty fine. The one I’m in (for 15 years) is just the path that happened to make sense to both of us at that time. Yes, there’s magic involved, but also mostly...reality?
I am generally against anyone getting married young--it’s informed by my own experience in an abusive relationship from age 19-21. We were almost engaged and it would have been a terrible mistake. Instead, I waited until the “old” (haha) age of 28 to tie the knot, and looking back at my mindset at age 20 I think it’s impossible to know if you’re making a wise decision or not. However, I recognize that not everyone has the same opinion as I do and I try not to be judgmental about younger marriages. Many do last, but they should be viewed as the exception rather than something to aspire to.
Love is the best thing in the world and I’m confident I’ll continue to have tons of it--romantic and otherwise--until my dying day. But my past experiences remind me (quite often, actually) what it felt like to not have that, and I hope that I’m sensitive to a multitude of perspectives.
Thanks for writing this! I actually learned in therapy recently that i haven’t been looking for a friend or partner all along, I’ve been looking for a parent/caregiver/older sibling (due to not having been taken care of much as a kid). Your essay is a good reminder that eventually I need to learn to take care of myself instead of finding that role in others.
Thank you for another wonderful article. You have a darn good voice!
Martha and I have been married for 47 years. When I met her, she was this crazy, wild person that was so different than me, but I knew from day one that she had a heart of gold. I knew I was in very good hands. We were as different as night and day, but we really loved the difference. If people asked us our opinions on just about anything, I'd naturally pick "A" while Martha naturally picked "B", but that helped us broaden our perspectives because we respected what the other felt and believed. Today, we both now naturally answer "AB" in our opinions.
Also, we were so lucky in that my flaws were not that big of a deal to Martha and the same with her flaws for me. We all carry around an array of flaws, so our attitudes made it very easy to cut each other lots of slack with flaws that might have driven others up the wall.
Loved this one. Thanks for the food for thought :)
A thought-provoking read Jan. Helpful too. A significant part of me is still hoping for a soulmate. But, as I grow older that might be expecting too much. I am divorced. That happened many years ago. On the rebound I got far off track and was involved with a much younger woman: the consequence is my 7 year-old daughter, the love of my life. Alone now, single, I realize with much pain but gratefulness, that I’ve learned more and grown more by relationships that crashed, than dutifully enduring unhappiness. A partner? Sure, I would like emotional connection; intimacy that doesn’t rattle or blow away in the typical storms of life. Still waiting.
I’ve always felt like a whole, complete person. I’ve never cared if I had a traditional marriage or kids. The first time I got married it was in a state of total grief after my father died. It was a huge mistake. The 2nd time, we were both on a horse when we met each other. We are both avid equestrians and I liked his witty humor. He was well read, cerebral, and had lived all over the world. He was 51 and had never been married. 19 years later it is still a work in progress. We, too, are both curious. We spend a lot of time asking questions and looking for answers.
Like this one ❤️ my god friend 🥰. I have Been Marrid with my wife for 35 years now and i am thankfull for evry day 🥰💐❤️
Not easy to Explain , but i maybe remember to tell her almost evry day that i Love her and just that i am thankfull for her evry day and do my best inn my part of this M and dont Expekt to Munch b 😁.
Give more than you exp b. 🥰🤩😉
It is good to have A partner ❤️🥰 , but its possible to have a good life with good friends and family 🥰
Sorry for my bad writing 🇳🇴, but hope you understand 😆
My first marriage was a disaster, but I have two beautiful children because of it. After my divorce, I was a bit despondent. I remember talking to God one morning--I was 32 and felt like used goods. Who would want me? And would I want someone who also had “baggage?” I asked God to send me someone who would serve Him alongside me. I know that sounds like a crazy prayer, but I asked and He delivered.
Mike and I have been married 14 years. We had similar experiences in our first marriages, so we both understood the same hurt. His personality is very different from mine, but enjoy doing some of the same things. We have to step back and regroup sometimes when we don’t seem to be on the same page, but I think what makes us work is that we understand what a gift this relationship is and we are thankful for each other. It makes it easier to get over the small stuff.
Turns out I don't live well with others.
Which is fine because I enjoy living by myself.
I've been blessed with more than my share of girlfriends over my life and only once considered marrying. And that didn't work out anyway, to my good fortune as well as hers.
I’m a cynical romantic (a romantic cynic?) who believes in love at first sight...while also believing that idea of soulmates is a dangerous and damaging concept. The power of timing and circumstance and chemistry is really what it all comes down to. I could have seen myself in multiple marriage trajectories and most would have turned out pretty fine. The one I’m in (for 15 years) is just the path that happened to make sense to both of us at that time. Yes, there’s magic involved, but also mostly...reality?
I am generally against anyone getting married young--it’s informed by my own experience in an abusive relationship from age 19-21. We were almost engaged and it would have been a terrible mistake. Instead, I waited until the “old” (haha) age of 28 to tie the knot, and looking back at my mindset at age 20 I think it’s impossible to know if you’re making a wise decision or not. However, I recognize that not everyone has the same opinion as I do and I try not to be judgmental about younger marriages. Many do last, but they should be viewed as the exception rather than something to aspire to.
Love is the best thing in the world and I’m confident I’ll continue to have tons of it--romantic and otherwise--until my dying day. But my past experiences remind me (quite often, actually) what it felt like to not have that, and I hope that I’m sensitive to a multitude of perspectives.
Thanks for posing such an engaging topic!
Thanks for writing this! I actually learned in therapy recently that i haven’t been looking for a friend or partner all along, I’ve been looking for a parent/caregiver/older sibling (due to not having been taken care of much as a kid). Your essay is a good reminder that eventually I need to learn to take care of myself instead of finding that role in others.
Thank you for another wonderful article. You have a darn good voice!
Martha and I have been married for 47 years. When I met her, she was this crazy, wild person that was so different than me, but I knew from day one that she had a heart of gold. I knew I was in very good hands. We were as different as night and day, but we really loved the difference. If people asked us our opinions on just about anything, I'd naturally pick "A" while Martha naturally picked "B", but that helped us broaden our perspectives because we respected what the other felt and believed. Today, we both now naturally answer "AB" in our opinions.
Also, we were so lucky in that my flaws were not that big of a deal to Martha and the same with her flaws for me. We all carry around an array of flaws, so our attitudes made it very easy to cut each other lots of slack with flaws that might have driven others up the wall.