It seems that when we move away from home or in modern day America friendly neighbors became a thing of the past. Is it due to busyness, increased wealth, or simply minding one’s own business?
I’ve been in My hillside Berkeley California home for thirty years.
I discovered my former neighbors were upset with me putting a deck on my home after they asked zoning to build a 10’ fence between our property. It seems they felt violated when my graduate student tenant said hi to them. We fought back and the regulation 6’ fence was erected.
They sold and moved away gratefully. But before leaving they landscaped placing a number of trees along the property line that grew and ultimately obstructed my Bay view.
The current homeowners weren’t responsible but were willing to trim the trees with financial assistance from me. It didn’t help because trees grow and over time my view was lost again.
I considered eco terrorism but deferred. Instead I waited it out hoping they would sell before me and I’d pounce then. Patience paid off. A few years ago they removed a grand bay tree blocking my Bay view and just last week they took out a redwood planted in a 4’ wide alley between our property and their front door.
Now, I can wake to see the glorious views without hinderance.
Yet, we aren’t without conflict as the female parter will not speak to me due to misinterpretation of a statement I made about parking in the dirt turnout in front of our homes.
Space enough for 3-4 cars across the road from us, at the bottom of the hillside, I had to ask the City to speak to other uphill neighbors who had my car towed while parked there. These other hill neighbors were under the impression it was their property not City right of way.
After it was cleared up, one neighbor put posts up marking his property line 10’ from the road. It was a nice gesture at his expense.
I typically use my one car garage but it’s great for guests and the public. For an unknown reason my lost view neighbors prefer parking there instead of their empty garage.
After the death of my daughter’s father we had company from out of town. I emailed the neighbor asking to park in such a way as to accommodate more vehicles for this occasion but didn’t get a response. When I saw him getting in his car, I asked again to accommodate two more cars for the purpose of mourning our loved one. He said, “I’ll think about it”.
Of course he continued parking in a way that would not accommodate our guests. What’s there to say in this case? These are progressive folks with peace politics who sadly can’t have peace with a neighbor. I wasn’t surprised when a tree branch toppled onto their vehicle after a storm.
oh wow. Your relations are indeed the kind of things I think most folks deal with these days. Is it due to busyness, increased wealth, or simply minding one’s own business? Well, one asked directly for consideration, especially under such a situation that would usually provoke compassion (parking when mourning family was in town), and it is met with indifference, I don't think busyness or minding one's own business is the culprit. Wealth? It certainly does seem to increase a sense of entitlement and lack of concern re: impact of actions on others. So frustrating. I'm familiar with your area, having lived in SF three different times in the 80s and 90s. Seeing your neighbor's backyard--including decks and stairs, etc--is natural. I even think it's part of the charm. And to have your view blocked is depressing - that's definitely a reason for living where you do! I'm glad you've been there long enough to outlive the others. But this one who takes up the entire parking area... geez!
In the mid-80s there was a group in the Bay Area called Beyond War - maybe you remember it? I had their round bumper sticker and a good friend was very involved. One of the ideas they emphasized continuously was that war & violence begin with us, each and every one of us. I have to credit this group for making me aware of my actions that could negatively affect others, like honking my horn. (I learned to just curse in my car instead and then apologize and send out good energy - hah!)
When I lived in California I knew all my neighbors up and down the street in both directions and they were all great. Now that I am on the east coast in a very international city, I know dozens of neighbors in my subdivision. Different groups of us have cookie parties, go out to dinner, ride horses, help each other, etc. When I got married 20 years ago and moved into my husbands house in Idaho, it was the only place I’ve ever lived where no one on the entire street would make eye contact, smile, respond, nothing. My next door neighbor dumped all his lawn debris in the public park across the street and neighbor kids batted balls into our garage door making huge dents. I occasionally had someone start pounding on my front or back doors at 2am but then disappear. They were either indifferent, hostile, or destructive. It was such a culture shock to live again somewhere that we are not invisible.
oh wow. I knew your experience in Hailey was pretty awful but I hadn't heard about the kids or the neighbor using the park as his trash dump. I am so glad you live where you do now. That sense of community makes such a difference. Even if you hadn't become friends the way you have, just to know your neighbors, to wave and smile, to be able to knock on their door if needed and not be greeted with hostility - that makes ALL the difference!
Jan, your stories here help us grasp the complexities of life and living. When I reflected on some of these happening I wonder what was/is going on in the minds of others! Such complexities.
Thank you, Pat. Indeed, the complexities of being human! We don't always understand others. Likewise, we don't always understand ourselves! - hope you're having a speedy recovery!
Thanks for the intriguing story and image of the Spite House in Italy! I just learned about Spite Houses last week from a podcast about an author who wrote the 2023 gothic novel “The Spite House.” It all sounds fascinating and while I don’t typically read horror stories, I might have to give this a try!
The only real solution is to live aboard a boat. No lawn to care for. No septic system to worry about. And if the neighbors are nasty, haul anchor and sail away to another boatyard.
We have recently moved because of our horrible neighbors. We moved 150 miles away and have landed next door to absolutely fabulous neighbors. Sometimes it just isn’t worth hanging on. Fortunately for us it has turned out to be the best thing we ever did.
That sounds like a major move! And, it sounds like it was the beat thing you could have done. Congratulations on finding a new home with great neighbors! What a treasure 🧡🏡
How interesting as always . Good neighbours are a blessing indeed
Indeed!
I’m sorry I only have good neighbour stories.
Yay!! That’s wonderful! 🧡 Tell me one. Maybe about a time that a neighbor surprised you in a wonderful way…
Very nice post.
Thanks
It seems that when we move away from home or in modern day America friendly neighbors became a thing of the past. Is it due to busyness, increased wealth, or simply minding one’s own business?
I’ve been in My hillside Berkeley California home for thirty years.
I discovered my former neighbors were upset with me putting a deck on my home after they asked zoning to build a 10’ fence between our property. It seems they felt violated when my graduate student tenant said hi to them. We fought back and the regulation 6’ fence was erected.
They sold and moved away gratefully. But before leaving they landscaped placing a number of trees along the property line that grew and ultimately obstructed my Bay view.
The current homeowners weren’t responsible but were willing to trim the trees with financial assistance from me. It didn’t help because trees grow and over time my view was lost again.
I considered eco terrorism but deferred. Instead I waited it out hoping they would sell before me and I’d pounce then. Patience paid off. A few years ago they removed a grand bay tree blocking my Bay view and just last week they took out a redwood planted in a 4’ wide alley between our property and their front door.
Now, I can wake to see the glorious views without hinderance.
Yet, we aren’t without conflict as the female parter will not speak to me due to misinterpretation of a statement I made about parking in the dirt turnout in front of our homes.
Space enough for 3-4 cars across the road from us, at the bottom of the hillside, I had to ask the City to speak to other uphill neighbors who had my car towed while parked there. These other hill neighbors were under the impression it was their property not City right of way.
After it was cleared up, one neighbor put posts up marking his property line 10’ from the road. It was a nice gesture at his expense.
I typically use my one car garage but it’s great for guests and the public. For an unknown reason my lost view neighbors prefer parking there instead of their empty garage.
After the death of my daughter’s father we had company from out of town. I emailed the neighbor asking to park in such a way as to accommodate more vehicles for this occasion but didn’t get a response. When I saw him getting in his car, I asked again to accommodate two more cars for the purpose of mourning our loved one. He said, “I’ll think about it”.
Of course he continued parking in a way that would not accommodate our guests. What’s there to say in this case? These are progressive folks with peace politics who sadly can’t have peace with a neighbor. I wasn’t surprised when a tree branch toppled onto their vehicle after a storm.
oh wow. Your relations are indeed the kind of things I think most folks deal with these days. Is it due to busyness, increased wealth, or simply minding one’s own business? Well, one asked directly for consideration, especially under such a situation that would usually provoke compassion (parking when mourning family was in town), and it is met with indifference, I don't think busyness or minding one's own business is the culprit. Wealth? It certainly does seem to increase a sense of entitlement and lack of concern re: impact of actions on others. So frustrating. I'm familiar with your area, having lived in SF three different times in the 80s and 90s. Seeing your neighbor's backyard--including decks and stairs, etc--is natural. I even think it's part of the charm. And to have your view blocked is depressing - that's definitely a reason for living where you do! I'm glad you've been there long enough to outlive the others. But this one who takes up the entire parking area... geez!
In the mid-80s there was a group in the Bay Area called Beyond War - maybe you remember it? I had their round bumper sticker and a good friend was very involved. One of the ideas they emphasized continuously was that war & violence begin with us, each and every one of us. I have to credit this group for making me aware of my actions that could negatively affect others, like honking my horn. (I learned to just curse in my car instead and then apologize and send out good energy - hah!)
When I lived in California I knew all my neighbors up and down the street in both directions and they were all great. Now that I am on the east coast in a very international city, I know dozens of neighbors in my subdivision. Different groups of us have cookie parties, go out to dinner, ride horses, help each other, etc. When I got married 20 years ago and moved into my husbands house in Idaho, it was the only place I’ve ever lived where no one on the entire street would make eye contact, smile, respond, nothing. My next door neighbor dumped all his lawn debris in the public park across the street and neighbor kids batted balls into our garage door making huge dents. I occasionally had someone start pounding on my front or back doors at 2am but then disappear. They were either indifferent, hostile, or destructive. It was such a culture shock to live again somewhere that we are not invisible.
oh wow. I knew your experience in Hailey was pretty awful but I hadn't heard about the kids or the neighbor using the park as his trash dump. I am so glad you live where you do now. That sense of community makes such a difference. Even if you hadn't become friends the way you have, just to know your neighbors, to wave and smile, to be able to knock on their door if needed and not be greeted with hostility - that makes ALL the difference!
Jan, your stories here help us grasp the complexities of life and living. When I reflected on some of these happening I wonder what was/is going on in the minds of others! Such complexities.
Thank you for these concepts. Pat
Thank you, Pat. Indeed, the complexities of being human! We don't always understand others. Likewise, we don't always understand ourselves! - hope you're having a speedy recovery!
Thanks for the intriguing story and image of the Spite House in Italy! I just learned about Spite Houses last week from a podcast about an author who wrote the 2023 gothic novel “The Spite House.” It all sounds fascinating and while I don’t typically read horror stories, I might have to give this a try!
interesting! I don't read horror stories either... you'll have to let me know if it's any good!
The only real solution is to live aboard a boat. No lawn to care for. No septic system to worry about. And if the neighbors are nasty, haul anchor and sail away to another boatyard.
Unless you are married. Only about 1 in 100,000 spouses think it’s a good idea. I speak from experience.
Well, you have to be someone who loves the water. And small places!
Also places that tend to rock and roll if there’s even a little wind.
We have recently moved because of our horrible neighbors. We moved 150 miles away and have landed next door to absolutely fabulous neighbors. Sometimes it just isn’t worth hanging on. Fortunately for us it has turned out to be the best thing we ever did.
That sounds like a major move! And, it sounds like it was the beat thing you could have done. Congratulations on finding a new home with great neighbors! What a treasure 🧡🏡
Emotions and spite are at the heart of many poor decisions. And then you can also fight over a tree. https://www.nydailynews.com/2016/09/13/john-lennons-son-sean-ordered-to-remove-tree-leaning-on-greenwich-village-property-of-marisa-tomeis-parents/#
Omg. I hate when trees get cut. Lennon’s response seemed reasonable. Alas. $10million? How do you live next to someone after that?