“Failing as a neighbor,” how about failing as a citizen, human, etc? I have a few regrets compiled in this 84 year life but none as poignant or depressing as the “sins” (for emphasis, not religious) of OMISSION.
Looking back on the way many of these omissions they have become regrets that are painful, I try to avoid them. When I decided to do something “neighborly,” I indeed intended to do it, I took pleasure in my intention, I felt good about myself but, intention is more than hollow as intention turns to guilt, justification creeps in, avoidance is relief. Almost daily there are instances of neglect, mostly barely noticed. Then there are those that happened decades ago but PAIN me regularly. They were wonderful intentions no longer available for amends. Nevertheless, my consciousness of them often now lead me to follow through on intentions, to do the things I saw as valuable for others and, from them I get lasting pleasure, lasting peace, lasting knowledge that my action to somehow participate in something will be noticed and passed on to others. Reward enough! Omission to me is more difficult to reconcile than procrastination, similar but certainly not the same. Thank you Jan.
Thank you, Phil, for your honest reflection, so well expressed.
Failures as a human and as a citizen are - to me - a bit easier to hide and maybe to live with. Not necessarily for me - or for you - but perhaps in general as they can be anonymous failures. Whereas failures as a friend, a neighbor, a spouse, etc. is personal. It is failure in a relationship, a relationship with meaning. I think these failures are the most difficult to reconcile ourselves with and to find peace or personal forgiveness. Yes?
ah, most certainly! If I were to see him. That's the trouble. I rarely see him. I use to see him more outside, in his open garage, smoking. I haven't seen him like that in months. The only 2 times I have seen him, I was in my car and he was whizzing down the street on his scooter. Hence the dilemma about how to knock on his door when I can't actually reach his door. I expected to see more of him in this summer weather - and that too is what worries me.
Yes, bears in the driveway is an Idaho thing. Last year, a big black bear was ranging about 9 miles up and down our country road. He was working hard at packing on the bear lard for winter, so he was hitting us all for donations. One night, he left a big, er, donation on my old guy’s yard, which the local dogs quickly took care of. A couple days later, I went out to the car and found our garbage on the sidewalk, but the garbage can had disappeared. I eventually spotted it up on the mountain behind our house where he had carried it upside down. Why does it make sense to carry a plastic garbage can upside down using your teeth?
On our way to work that morning, we stopped to chat with a neighbor who was busy picking up trash along her driveway after a bear assault during the night. But the trash scattering wasn’t the worst of it. She said the bear was on her deck, opened her freezer, and ate two frozen pizzas, but there is a method to the bear’s predations. A handful of huckleberries is maybe 60 calories, whereas a 14” frozen pizza, depending on the toppings, is between 2000-3000 calories, which is a much better ROI.
Bears aside, when one lives on a narrow, almost two lane dirt road in rural Idaho, it can sometimes take a half day to drive the ten miles to town, because of oncoming neighbors with whom it would be considered rude to pass by without a sometimes but not usually short chat.
Bears on your porch and eating frozen pizza... hah! Smart bear, as you say. there are not, in general, very smart bears in Ketchum (contrary to what the locals there think) but the bears, yes, I've heard of them doing that there as well.
But your last paragraph, stopping for a chat, I love that. Even through the rest of the state, there's the 1 or 2 finger wave from your steering wheel as an acknowlegment or hi even to a stranger. Always makes me happy to see that!
We want people to know they aren’t invisible. No one should feel invisible.
Also, we have elk who from time to time tromp around on our deck, and occasionally, moose in the back yard. We’ve even had wolves at our back door, not that it implies anything about our financial wellbeing.
Yes! My father taught me when I was very young to look at nametags. He would also use a person's name when addressing them - at Burger King, the Post Office, anywhere. Inevitably, the person responded favorably. People just want to be seen. And to connect!
“Failing as a neighbor,” how about failing as a citizen, human, etc? I have a few regrets compiled in this 84 year life but none as poignant or depressing as the “sins” (for emphasis, not religious) of OMISSION.
Looking back on the way many of these omissions they have become regrets that are painful, I try to avoid them. When I decided to do something “neighborly,” I indeed intended to do it, I took pleasure in my intention, I felt good about myself but, intention is more than hollow as intention turns to guilt, justification creeps in, avoidance is relief. Almost daily there are instances of neglect, mostly barely noticed. Then there are those that happened decades ago but PAIN me regularly. They were wonderful intentions no longer available for amends. Nevertheless, my consciousness of them often now lead me to follow through on intentions, to do the things I saw as valuable for others and, from them I get lasting pleasure, lasting peace, lasting knowledge that my action to somehow participate in something will be noticed and passed on to others. Reward enough! Omission to me is more difficult to reconcile than procrastination, similar but certainly not the same. Thank you Jan.
Thank you, Phil, for your honest reflection, so well expressed.
Failures as a human and as a citizen are - to me - a bit easier to hide and maybe to live with. Not necessarily for me - or for you - but perhaps in general as they can be anonymous failures. Whereas failures as a friend, a neighbor, a spouse, etc. is personal. It is failure in a relationship, a relationship with meaning. I think these failures are the most difficult to reconcile ourselves with and to find peace or personal forgiveness. Yes?
Engage in an open ended statement by asking “how are things going for you these days?”
ah, most certainly! If I were to see him. That's the trouble. I rarely see him. I use to see him more outside, in his open garage, smoking. I haven't seen him like that in months. The only 2 times I have seen him, I was in my car and he was whizzing down the street on his scooter. Hence the dilemma about how to knock on his door when I can't actually reach his door. I expected to see more of him in this summer weather - and that too is what worries me.
Well said Jan.
Weltschmertz! I needed that word.
Indeed! Me too. I think a lot of us are feeling weltschmertz these days.
Yes, bears in the driveway is an Idaho thing. Last year, a big black bear was ranging about 9 miles up and down our country road. He was working hard at packing on the bear lard for winter, so he was hitting us all for donations. One night, he left a big, er, donation on my old guy’s yard, which the local dogs quickly took care of. A couple days later, I went out to the car and found our garbage on the sidewalk, but the garbage can had disappeared. I eventually spotted it up on the mountain behind our house where he had carried it upside down. Why does it make sense to carry a plastic garbage can upside down using your teeth?
On our way to work that morning, we stopped to chat with a neighbor who was busy picking up trash along her driveway after a bear assault during the night. But the trash scattering wasn’t the worst of it. She said the bear was on her deck, opened her freezer, and ate two frozen pizzas, but there is a method to the bear’s predations. A handful of huckleberries is maybe 60 calories, whereas a 14” frozen pizza, depending on the toppings, is between 2000-3000 calories, which is a much better ROI.
Bears aside, when one lives on a narrow, almost two lane dirt road in rural Idaho, it can sometimes take a half day to drive the ten miles to town, because of oncoming neighbors with whom it would be considered rude to pass by without a sometimes but not usually short chat.
Bears on your porch and eating frozen pizza... hah! Smart bear, as you say. there are not, in general, very smart bears in Ketchum (contrary to what the locals there think) but the bears, yes, I've heard of them doing that there as well.
But your last paragraph, stopping for a chat, I love that. Even through the rest of the state, there's the 1 or 2 finger wave from your steering wheel as an acknowlegment or hi even to a stranger. Always makes me happy to see that!
We want people to know they aren’t invisible. No one should feel invisible.
Also, we have elk who from time to time tromp around on our deck, and occasionally, moose in the back yard. We’ve even had wolves at our back door, not that it implies anything about our financial wellbeing.
Yes! My father taught me when I was very young to look at nametags. He would also use a person's name when addressing them - at Burger King, the Post Office, anywhere. Inevitably, the person responded favorably. People just want to be seen. And to connect!