My wife suffers greatly from this annual affliction. Some of that stems from being Jewish and feeling ...left out? oppressed by cheer? But yes, you are not alone.
Thank you, Don, for commenting! I appreciate that. I am more inclined to the celebrations of light this time of year: Hanukkah, Diwali, Solstice - yet all get overshadowed by Christmas. Please tell your wife she's not alone either.
I have just the opposite response. I find that being Jewish lets me off the hook. I have no childhood memories haunting me. Indeed, I'm in the best of both worlds because my husband is Italian and brought with him all kinds of delectable Sicilian Christmas food traditions. Much less about gifts. More about the seven fishes. Eating seven foods from the sea on Christmas Eve, followed by sausage for the incarnation at midnight. We celebrate chanukah as a contemplative holiday and that's its own joy.
Ah! How lovely! I think I would very much like to celebrate a Sicilian Christmas!
Your experiences really speak to the power of creating our own traditions, our own rituals, and I love that. This, for me, is at the root of my problem with this month - with so many folks just routinely doing what everyone else does, without any thought, any presence to the purpose or the goal. And so many end up not feeling as happy as they expected which just leads to amping up the decorations, presents, lights, and more the next year: never truly listening to the softness of the soul, never fully connecting to the sacredness of the season. I'm glad you have that and the two of you create this together.
Solstice is, for me, the special holiday - THE holiday of the season. Both contemplative AND filled with great joy. With so many holidays this time of year, I think it's important we find the one(s) that truly resonate with us personally.
Thank you so much for sharing, Susie. And I'm very excited to learn about the seven fishes! :)
My biggest gripe with the season is the consumerism which doesn't agree with the way I live the rest of the year, so why should I suddenly flip into shopping mode? As I wrote, I'm mostly into the food traditions. That said, we no longer do the full seven fishes since our kids and grandkids are far away. When they were here we'd get as far as five, occasionally six. I started with a soup made from a salmon head broth, to which I added a white filet like flounder and mussels...so that was three. We'd always have fried shrimp and squid salad to get to five. On a few occasions, my husband would make eel for #6, but I think I've blocked that out. Seven was just aspirational. We didn't have sausage at midnight either the way they did in the old Sicilian families.....couldn't stay up and eat that late. At around nine or ten, we'd bring out Frank's arancini, rice formed into globes the size of tennis balls, stuffed with a meat concoction, breaded and deep-fried (like all too much of this food). Arancini are very labor-intensive and have that beautiful "once-a-year" specialness, much like latkes. On chanukah, we watch each candle go out every day. Time passes, as it must.
I agree with you about the consumerism. I've never understood it. Taking after my mother, throughout the year, when I see something that reminds me of someone, something I think that another person would like (even if it's only for laughs), I purchase it then and hold onto it for a birthday or Christmas. Sometimes I just send it when I buy it. That's how I avoid the craziness of buying gifts this time of year - when the gifts are typically perfunctory and not heartfelt or tailored to the receiver.
As for the 7 fishes - hahaha - yes, seven IS a lot!! I'm impressed you got to five and yes, I would block the eel too. :) Ah, but arancini!!! YUMMMM!!! I discovered those when I was in Sicily in 2020. When lockdown lifted, a kind woman (owner of a cafe), allowed me to watch her make these. I was so thrilled this October when friends had them at their wedding rehearsal dinner. Such a treat.
And yes, watching the candles burn. How wonderful that you take that time. Like an extended prayer or meditation. Time passes. And the light remains - even when we can't see it.
Thank you, Susie. I so appreciate you sharing these traditions!
I can't bear December, and in the UK, where I now live, Christmas is the most dismal festival ever. There is so much said about peace and joy and goodwill to all men, yet for many, this is the most lonely time of year ever. In India, festivals are community events. I do not remember ever being left alone on a festival, not unless I wanted to be alone, and even then I had to fight to be on my own. In the UK, and I have seen this in the USA too, unless you have close family to be with, you are pretty much on your own over this 'festive' season, and on your own in a very isolating, isolated way. And as for the homeless I see on the streets here - it's the story of the little match girl again. The goodwill seems limited to the carol singing, it seems to me. Sorry to be such a grouse, but Christmas is truly awful in the western world. :(
Yes, yes, I agree with you. The USA is filled with people who don't know their neighbors, whose homes feature a garage they can drive into directly and then enter the house, never having to interact with others nearby. Communities are homogenous, based on beliefs (political and religious). There is very little intermingling - very little opportunity for true community. It is terribly sad. One month of the year there is much said about feeding the homeless, giving gifts to underprivileged kids, but all just in the spirit of making the giver feel better - not the recipient. If it were the latter, our country would better support programs all year long that help these populations. All this contributes to my sadness as well.
Do you celebrate Diwali? Though it doesn't always fall in December... And again, without a community of others to celebrate with... For me, the holy day is the midwinter Solstice. I still celebrate on my own but it's nothing like the deep joy I felt when celebrating in community so many years ago.
Thank you for commenting, Rohini. Know that I, too, feel much the same way. One day may it be so that we celebrate a festival together!
Thank you, Jan. Though we are speaking of sadnesses here, your reply made me feel better about so much. The joy of connecting?
I do celebrate Diwali, or I try to, but again, without a community to celebrate with. It often feels an effort to celebrate, since I am the only one here to whom the festival means anything at all, but I feel better for celebrating it.
And yes! One day it may be that we celebrate a festival together! What joy that would be!
Thank you for sharing this, Jan. I feel that way about New Years Eve. Not sad, perse, but introspective, sometimes melancholy. Never inclined for jollity. Most years I am able to find moments of peace and content during the Christmas holidays. But there have been rough years when I just wanted to weep, and feeling pressured to appear to be happy makes it worse.
ah yes, New Year's is its own animal. The regrets of resolutions not kept, goals not achieved, hopes lost, and the premise of a new start, complete with new expectations of new resolutions, goals, and hopes... Until I was in my late 30's, the New Year never felt like a new year until February. It would take that long for it to catch up with me - for me to catch up to it emotionally. And January, you know, is named after the Roman god, Janus, who had 2 faces: one that looked forward and one that looked back. So the New Year and the whole month of January really is about that introspection you mention. And introspection, looking back at what has passed, is always ripe for melancholy. All of which is good - if only our culture didn't treat it so pathologically. I think the effusive celebrations are often a way to mask our discomfort over the true implications of the holiday.
Free of expectations. Heart-healing, reflective, and nurturing.- honest and heartfelt. For us Christmas is genuinely a merry time when the whole family gets together, even out station ones, and there's lots of hugs and good food and general bonhomie, and we are not Christian- we are just from Kolkata, so when we aren't in Kolkata, celebrating being with family and friends..... well... we miss it all. So, thank you for sharing. It can be the loneliest time of year.
You write with such an authentic and heartfelt voice. It is a pleasure to read.
Christmas seems to bring out people trying to be their better and/or more expressive selves. Does it always work........not all the time. An example for me is seeing all my neighbors taking such big efforts to string up their bright and colorful lights outside their houses. Sometimes the more colorful displays are around the houses of folks that are not usually that outgoing. Maybe a lot of us are overdoing the joy-joy-joy offerings during the season, because we hold back too much of it the other eleven months.
Interesting about the lights and displays. I wonder if sometimes it's a way to combat the discomfort of the season - to help produce a merriness that doesn't come naturally. ?
Thank you for commenting! Much love to you and Martha.
My wife suffers greatly from this annual affliction. Some of that stems from being Jewish and feeling ...left out? oppressed by cheer? But yes, you are not alone.
Thank you, Don, for commenting! I appreciate that. I am more inclined to the celebrations of light this time of year: Hanukkah, Diwali, Solstice - yet all get overshadowed by Christmas. Please tell your wife she's not alone either.
I have just the opposite response. I find that being Jewish lets me off the hook. I have no childhood memories haunting me. Indeed, I'm in the best of both worlds because my husband is Italian and brought with him all kinds of delectable Sicilian Christmas food traditions. Much less about gifts. More about the seven fishes. Eating seven foods from the sea on Christmas Eve, followed by sausage for the incarnation at midnight. We celebrate chanukah as a contemplative holiday and that's its own joy.
Ah! How lovely! I think I would very much like to celebrate a Sicilian Christmas!
Your experiences really speak to the power of creating our own traditions, our own rituals, and I love that. This, for me, is at the root of my problem with this month - with so many folks just routinely doing what everyone else does, without any thought, any presence to the purpose or the goal. And so many end up not feeling as happy as they expected which just leads to amping up the decorations, presents, lights, and more the next year: never truly listening to the softness of the soul, never fully connecting to the sacredness of the season. I'm glad you have that and the two of you create this together.
Solstice is, for me, the special holiday - THE holiday of the season. Both contemplative AND filled with great joy. With so many holidays this time of year, I think it's important we find the one(s) that truly resonate with us personally.
Thank you so much for sharing, Susie. And I'm very excited to learn about the seven fishes! :)
My biggest gripe with the season is the consumerism which doesn't agree with the way I live the rest of the year, so why should I suddenly flip into shopping mode? As I wrote, I'm mostly into the food traditions. That said, we no longer do the full seven fishes since our kids and grandkids are far away. When they were here we'd get as far as five, occasionally six. I started with a soup made from a salmon head broth, to which I added a white filet like flounder and mussels...so that was three. We'd always have fried shrimp and squid salad to get to five. On a few occasions, my husband would make eel for #6, but I think I've blocked that out. Seven was just aspirational. We didn't have sausage at midnight either the way they did in the old Sicilian families.....couldn't stay up and eat that late. At around nine or ten, we'd bring out Frank's arancini, rice formed into globes the size of tennis balls, stuffed with a meat concoction, breaded and deep-fried (like all too much of this food). Arancini are very labor-intensive and have that beautiful "once-a-year" specialness, much like latkes. On chanukah, we watch each candle go out every day. Time passes, as it must.
I agree with you about the consumerism. I've never understood it. Taking after my mother, throughout the year, when I see something that reminds me of someone, something I think that another person would like (even if it's only for laughs), I purchase it then and hold onto it for a birthday or Christmas. Sometimes I just send it when I buy it. That's how I avoid the craziness of buying gifts this time of year - when the gifts are typically perfunctory and not heartfelt or tailored to the receiver.
As for the 7 fishes - hahaha - yes, seven IS a lot!! I'm impressed you got to five and yes, I would block the eel too. :) Ah, but arancini!!! YUMMMM!!! I discovered those when I was in Sicily in 2020. When lockdown lifted, a kind woman (owner of a cafe), allowed me to watch her make these. I was so thrilled this October when friends had them at their wedding rehearsal dinner. Such a treat.
And yes, watching the candles burn. How wonderful that you take that time. Like an extended prayer or meditation. Time passes. And the light remains - even when we can't see it.
Thank you, Susie. I so appreciate you sharing these traditions!
Now I need to know where you went in Sicily. We were there way back in 1995. Glorious place.
I can't bear December, and in the UK, where I now live, Christmas is the most dismal festival ever. There is so much said about peace and joy and goodwill to all men, yet for many, this is the most lonely time of year ever. In India, festivals are community events. I do not remember ever being left alone on a festival, not unless I wanted to be alone, and even then I had to fight to be on my own. In the UK, and I have seen this in the USA too, unless you have close family to be with, you are pretty much on your own over this 'festive' season, and on your own in a very isolating, isolated way. And as for the homeless I see on the streets here - it's the story of the little match girl again. The goodwill seems limited to the carol singing, it seems to me. Sorry to be such a grouse, but Christmas is truly awful in the western world. :(
Yes, yes, I agree with you. The USA is filled with people who don't know their neighbors, whose homes feature a garage they can drive into directly and then enter the house, never having to interact with others nearby. Communities are homogenous, based on beliefs (political and religious). There is very little intermingling - very little opportunity for true community. It is terribly sad. One month of the year there is much said about feeding the homeless, giving gifts to underprivileged kids, but all just in the spirit of making the giver feel better - not the recipient. If it were the latter, our country would better support programs all year long that help these populations. All this contributes to my sadness as well.
Do you celebrate Diwali? Though it doesn't always fall in December... And again, without a community of others to celebrate with... For me, the holy day is the midwinter Solstice. I still celebrate on my own but it's nothing like the deep joy I felt when celebrating in community so many years ago.
Thank you for commenting, Rohini. Know that I, too, feel much the same way. One day may it be so that we celebrate a festival together!
Thank you, Jan. Though we are speaking of sadnesses here, your reply made me feel better about so much. The joy of connecting?
I do celebrate Diwali, or I try to, but again, without a community to celebrate with. It often feels an effort to celebrate, since I am the only one here to whom the festival means anything at all, but I feel better for celebrating it.
And yes! One day it may be that we celebrate a festival together! What joy that would be!
Indeed, the joy of connecting! And what joy it would be for me to celebrate the festival of lights with you!! May it be so! Much love, friend!
It will be so! One day! Now that's something to look forward to!!!
YES! :)
Thank you for sharing this, Jan. I feel that way about New Years Eve. Not sad, perse, but introspective, sometimes melancholy. Never inclined for jollity. Most years I am able to find moments of peace and content during the Christmas holidays. But there have been rough years when I just wanted to weep, and feeling pressured to appear to be happy makes it worse.
ah yes, New Year's is its own animal. The regrets of resolutions not kept, goals not achieved, hopes lost, and the premise of a new start, complete with new expectations of new resolutions, goals, and hopes... Until I was in my late 30's, the New Year never felt like a new year until February. It would take that long for it to catch up with me - for me to catch up to it emotionally. And January, you know, is named after the Roman god, Janus, who had 2 faces: one that looked forward and one that looked back. So the New Year and the whole month of January really is about that introspection you mention. And introspection, looking back at what has passed, is always ripe for melancholy. All of which is good - if only our culture didn't treat it so pathologically. I think the effusive celebrations are often a way to mask our discomfort over the true implications of the holiday.
Thank you for commenting, Claudia!
Wow! Thank you for adding context to my reflections!
Free of expectations. Heart-healing, reflective, and nurturing.- honest and heartfelt. For us Christmas is genuinely a merry time when the whole family gets together, even out station ones, and there's lots of hugs and good food and general bonhomie, and we are not Christian- we are just from Kolkata, so when we aren't in Kolkata, celebrating being with family and friends..... well... we miss it all. So, thank you for sharing. It can be the loneliest time of year.
You write with such an authentic and heartfelt voice. It is a pleasure to read.
Christmas seems to bring out people trying to be their better and/or more expressive selves. Does it always work........not all the time. An example for me is seeing all my neighbors taking such big efforts to string up their bright and colorful lights outside their houses. Sometimes the more colorful displays are around the houses of folks that are not usually that outgoing. Maybe a lot of us are overdoing the joy-joy-joy offerings during the season, because we hold back too much of it the other eleven months.
Thank you, Gary.
Interesting about the lights and displays. I wonder if sometimes it's a way to combat the discomfort of the season - to help produce a merriness that doesn't come naturally. ?
Thank you for commenting! Much love to you and Martha.