oh Bailey, I'm so sorry. This is more than just change. These two things together constitute an end of a life, not physically of course but life as you have known it. This is grief. It may manifest in a myriad of ways - and - at the core is mourning. The whys and hows and whos and whatifs don't matter. Focus on the grief, the fear, the pain - feel it all. Allow yourself to sleep, extra sleep is necessary right now. One day, one moment. Keep breathing. Float.
Spot on! I can relate to all that you write. It really resonate. Thanks for this delightful spin on an uncomfortable yet universal issue that touches everyone.
Your topic is too broad. The word 'change' too ambiguous. Seriously... "Firstly, I’ve never heard anyone say, “Oh, I LOVE change!” If that is so, you're running with the wrong crowd.
Learning (for most) is change. Getting married is change. Having a child is change. Adding more exercise is change. Getting your vegetable garden in is change, for Pete's sake! You've dismissed positive change. Do you think change is only negative?
Oh goodness, no! Personally, I believe change is always positive, but that doesn't mean it isn't also challenging. Change is inherently neither good nor bad. It just is.
And, every change comes with loss. "To make a beginning is to make an end" - T. S. Eliot One way of life ends for another to begin. Going off to college can be wonderful. And, it also means you are no longer a child. That's worth recognizing. Getting married can be wonderful. And, it's worth recognizing that everything changes when you marry. I wrote about that here: https://findinghome.substack.com/p/before-and-after-we-marry-part-1
Judging change is like judging the sun. I love the sun. I'm a morning and day person, not a night person. The sun is neither good nor bad. Nor is the night. We need both. Every single day we must say goodbye to the sun and embrace the moon, and then goodbye moon, hello sun. Same with the seasons of the earth. And the seasons of our lives. Nothing is inherently good or bad. Change happens.
I find that it helps to acknowledge the goodbyes as well as the hellos. The sadness as well as the joy. Change is not either/or. It is always both/ and. We can feel both trepidation and excitement at the same time. Regret and relief. And so on. If we acknowledge only the positive and bury the sadness, fear, or whatever you deem "negative", it often will bite us in the butt later. When we don't acknowledge what we give up for what we gain, we fall prey to nostalgia (oh, it was so much easier/better/ simpler when... before the change).
Everything I write about comes down to living consciously. Beyond stereotypes, beyond judgements of good or bad. Living with a full heart. And if you've ever lost someone you love (which is a monumental change), you probably know that your heart can be filled with so much love while also feeling broken. That's all I'm saying. I apologize if I didn't emphasize the other side of change enough for you in this post. But I will - and do - in others.
Change IS growth! And, just like when we were children and got leg cramps, growth - as much as we may love it and be grateful for it - often comes with some pain. Loving change means embracing both the new height as well as the cramps. :)
Love your reflection on this, Jan. After 14 (I think?) moves at this stage I gasped a bit the other day as I realized I could feel the expansion of another move coming. (this could be years from now, but the thought of it on the horizon...) "Oh man, again?", I thought. I've used the words change and transition somewhat interchangeably. Is there a better separation for those changes that are positively chosen, and those others that feel "negative" but necessary vs negative and forced-upon....hmm.. thank you for these musings!
That’s a great question. We have to remember that good and bad are judgements we make. And, our judgment may alter over time. So when we talk about transitions, personally, I stay away from judgement.
Whichever word we use- change or transition- I think it’s important to remember that it is a process. And framing this change within the hero journey archetype may assist in recognizing the process. The event which we think of as the change is really only the departure from the familiar. This is where the discomfort begins. There will be tests and trials as well as helpers along the way all of which lead to the climatic battle of accepting/embracing the change. This is when the transformation occurs. Then we must return to emerge and live in this new reality/ new place / new way of being. We have transitioned from one thing one, one way of being to another, leaving the older behind. And this is indeed where the growth happens. For if we think of the event itself as the change and we ourselves do not change, then no growth has happened.
Thank you so much for your comment. I particularly like your language of “expansion “. That’s beautiful and spot on to my experience as well. That sense of a change (another change) is coming… Can be exciting and also______ fill in the blank- curious, frustrating, sad, even infuriating. For me at least, having this intuition helps me plan, even if only emotionally, and I find that incredibly helpful. Is that true for you too?
Very good post. As you wrote: lean in. Experience the terror of change. (However, you tease us...)
Thank you, Vince. Yes, lean in. Feel it all. (I'll share more soon enough)
Im going through a break up and facing moving out of a home that I loved in the coming days. Thank you for writing this.
oh Bailey, I'm so sorry. This is more than just change. These two things together constitute an end of a life, not physically of course but life as you have known it. This is grief. It may manifest in a myriad of ways - and - at the core is mourning. The whys and hows and whos and whatifs don't matter. Focus on the grief, the fear, the pain - feel it all. Allow yourself to sleep, extra sleep is necessary right now. One day, one moment. Keep breathing. Float.
Spot on! I can relate to all that you write. It really resonate. Thanks for this delightful spin on an uncomfortable yet universal issue that touches everyone.
Thank you, Susan, for commenting. I appreciate knowing that it resonates.
Your topic is too broad. The word 'change' too ambiguous. Seriously... "Firstly, I’ve never heard anyone say, “Oh, I LOVE change!” If that is so, you're running with the wrong crowd.
Learning (for most) is change. Getting married is change. Having a child is change. Adding more exercise is change. Getting your vegetable garden in is change, for Pete's sake! You've dismissed positive change. Do you think change is only negative?
Oh goodness, no! Personally, I believe change is always positive, but that doesn't mean it isn't also challenging. Change is inherently neither good nor bad. It just is.
And, every change comes with loss. "To make a beginning is to make an end" - T. S. Eliot One way of life ends for another to begin. Going off to college can be wonderful. And, it also means you are no longer a child. That's worth recognizing. Getting married can be wonderful. And, it's worth recognizing that everything changes when you marry. I wrote about that here: https://findinghome.substack.com/p/before-and-after-we-marry-part-1
Judging change is like judging the sun. I love the sun. I'm a morning and day person, not a night person. The sun is neither good nor bad. Nor is the night. We need both. Every single day we must say goodbye to the sun and embrace the moon, and then goodbye moon, hello sun. Same with the seasons of the earth. And the seasons of our lives. Nothing is inherently good or bad. Change happens.
I find that it helps to acknowledge the goodbyes as well as the hellos. The sadness as well as the joy. Change is not either/or. It is always both/ and. We can feel both trepidation and excitement at the same time. Regret and relief. And so on. If we acknowledge only the positive and bury the sadness, fear, or whatever you deem "negative", it often will bite us in the butt later. When we don't acknowledge what we give up for what we gain, we fall prey to nostalgia (oh, it was so much easier/better/ simpler when... before the change).
Everything I write about comes down to living consciously. Beyond stereotypes, beyond judgements of good or bad. Living with a full heart. And if you've ever lost someone you love (which is a monumental change), you probably know that your heart can be filled with so much love while also feeling broken. That's all I'm saying. I apologize if I didn't emphasize the other side of change enough for you in this post. But I will - and do - in others.
Change Is growth. I love change.
Change IS growth! And, just like when we were children and got leg cramps, growth - as much as we may love it and be grateful for it - often comes with some pain. Loving change means embracing both the new height as well as the cramps. :)
No pain no gain
lol! You sound like an American!
Wow, thank you for this. Moving is hard. Just lean in. I love that!
This one is full of wisdom.
🙏✨
Love your reflection on this, Jan. After 14 (I think?) moves at this stage I gasped a bit the other day as I realized I could feel the expansion of another move coming. (this could be years from now, but the thought of it on the horizon...) "Oh man, again?", I thought. I've used the words change and transition somewhat interchangeably. Is there a better separation for those changes that are positively chosen, and those others that feel "negative" but necessary vs negative and forced-upon....hmm.. thank you for these musings!
That’s a great question. We have to remember that good and bad are judgements we make. And, our judgment may alter over time. So when we talk about transitions, personally, I stay away from judgement.
Whichever word we use- change or transition- I think it’s important to remember that it is a process. And framing this change within the hero journey archetype may assist in recognizing the process. The event which we think of as the change is really only the departure from the familiar. This is where the discomfort begins. There will be tests and trials as well as helpers along the way all of which lead to the climatic battle of accepting/embracing the change. This is when the transformation occurs. Then we must return to emerge and live in this new reality/ new place / new way of being. We have transitioned from one thing one, one way of being to another, leaving the older behind. And this is indeed where the growth happens. For if we think of the event itself as the change and we ourselves do not change, then no growth has happened.
Thank you so much for your comment. I particularly like your language of “expansion “. That’s beautiful and spot on to my experience as well. That sense of a change (another change) is coming… Can be exciting and also______ fill in the blank- curious, frustrating, sad, even infuriating. For me at least, having this intuition helps me plan, even if only emotionally, and I find that incredibly helpful. Is that true for you too?