The Greatest Gift

In my last post, Called to Serve, I asked what you were doing to make the world a better place. I shared the Martin Luther King, Jr. quote, “Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, What are you doing for others?”

And even as I hit send, I kept thinking one thought:

The greatest gift you have to give is that of your own self-transformation.

Now, there’s some debate on whether this really is a quote from Lao Tzu, but that’s not what matters. It’s the idea, not the source.

Only when we change our minds and our ways of being, can we possibly change things around us. And this, once again, is the basis of the hero’s journey. But stay with me because this may not be what you think.

The poem that keeps running through my head is “the great escape” by Charles Bukowski. Below isn’t the whole poem, and the entire poem is definitely worth reading, but these are the thoughts I want to follow for a moment.

the great escape. by Charles Bukowski from Sifting Through the Madness for the Word, the Line, the Way (Ecco Press).

listen, he said, you ever seen a bunch of crabs in a
bucket?
no, I told him.
well, what happens is that now and then one crab
will climb up on top of the others
and begin to climb toward the top of the bucket,
then, just as he's about to escape
another crab grabs him and pulls him back
down.
really? I asked.
really, he said, and this job is just like that, none
of the others want anybody to get out of
here. that's just the way it is

…

I got up off my stool and climbed right up the
supervisor
and then I reached up and pulled myself right
out of there.

it was so easy it was unbelievable.
but none of the others followed me.

This is the hero’s journey. Leaving what is familiar and venturing into the unknown. Going it alone. Sometimes leaving is the hardest part. Other times, the loneliness and solitude, staying on a solitary path, is the part that wears one down.

Bukowski’s poem concludes:

after that, whenever I had crab legs
I thought about that place.
I must have thought about that place
maybe 5 or 6 times

before I switched to lobster.

My sanity maintenance plan since early November has been largely to block out the noise. I only follow one news source daily (Letters from an American), which provides me with an accounting of everything I need to know. Clean and simple.

In other words, while the world wants us to be crabs in a bucket, I decided to pull myself out of the boiling water. And it might even be fair to say that my hopes of relocating to Sicily are the equivalent of switching to lobster.

Except there’s a huge difference between prioritizing your mental health and turning your back on others. Each one of us is going to need a break from time to time. We need to step out, catch our breath, and focus on flowers. And then, we need to get right back in. I’m not saying we need to get back in the bucket but rather, we need to pay attention. We can’t put our heads in the sand.

We need to stay conscious. Giving the middle finger to ignorance is sometimes the only act of rebellion we can muster and muster it we must. Because in the end, the point of the hero’s journey isn’t for self-satisfaction. The point of the hero’s journey is to reinvigorate others. Without transformation, there is no hero’s journey. When we leave what’s comfortable, battle our demons and slay our dragons and are transformed. And then we return to our community and our transformation helps transform the world.

Do not ask for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.

What are you doing for others?

The greatest gift you have to give is that of your own transformation.

photo by Jan Peppler

The news of the last few days left me shaking. The obliteration of US AID left me crying. I’m terrified of what it means for one gazillionaire to have access to all data files of the US Treasury, and now DOE records.

WHAT THE F*@%! IS GOING ON ??

Deep breath. And another deep breath. If I tune out all news and stick my fingers in my ears while humming, well, they win. Now is not the time to look away.

A few days ago someone told me that I can be annoying when I sing in the mornings, which is just one example of my fundamental nature. I have many lows and struggles, just like everyone else. And, I also love mornings and laughter and song. I generally tend to like people, and I talk to strangers all the time.

This “reminder” was, in essence, a reprimand to not be who I am. To “take it down a notch”. The message between the lines was, “You make me uncomfortable when you are authentic, and you should care more about my comfort.”

Alas, I can no longer do that.

I can’t stop any of the crazies in Washington right now. But now is also not the time to conform, to give in, give up, or remain silent. Now, more than ever, is the time to be exactly who you are. Maybe that means speaking up, even if your voice shakes. Maybe that means creating art, or music, or mayhem. Maybe its singing in the morning when everything looks bleak. Maybe it means standing on a street corner with a sign. Or maybe it means more naps and solitude and silence. What it does not mean is tuning out. You wouldn’t be reading this right now if you were naturally the kind of person to tune out. So don’t.

Rebecca Solnit wrote about emergencies a few days ago, since we are clearly in such a state now, and what really struck me was how emergency comes out of emerge. It appears as the opposite of coming together but it can also be an opening. Emerge, emergence.

She then went on to discuss an essay by Michelle Alexander who reminds us that we are not the resistance. Those who are trying to destroy our country, to break apart our systems – they are the resistance. “A new nation is struggling to be born, a multiracial, multiethnic, multifaith, egalitarian democracy in which every life and every voice truly matters." This is what the current administration and billionaires are trying to resist.

"January 6 was a revolt against the future. The future will prevail. We must understand that what we've been living through is backlash. Backlash. It's not the engine of history. It is the revolt against the engine of history."

– Anand Giridharadas

Michelle Alexander concludes, “You can't convince most of us we don't deserve our rights or our democracy; you can't convince us to forget what we know.”

Now is not the time to forget.

Do not forget who you are. Do not forget what you know.

Do not forget that the greatest gift is Love.

(yes, I know this sounds pretty pollyanna, but this is how I am coping. What about you?)

He Attempts to Love His Neighbors by Alden Nowlan

My neighbors do not wish to be loved.
They have made it clear that they prefer to go peacefully
about their business and want me to do the same.
This ought not to surprise me as it does;
I ought to know by now that most people have a hundred things
they would rather do than have me love them.

There is television, for instance; the truth is that almost everybody,
given the choice between being loved and watching TV,
would choose the latter. Love interrupts dinner,
interferes with mowing the lawn, washing the car,
or walking the dog. Love is a telephone ringing or a doorbell
waking you moments after you've finally succeeded in getting to sleep.

So we must be careful, those of us who were born with
the wrong number of fingers or the gift
of loving; we must do our best to behave
like normal members of society and not make nuisances
of ourselves; otherwise it could go hard with us.
It is better to bite back your tears, swallow your laughter,
and learn to fake the mildly self-deprecating titter
favored by the bourgeoisie
than to be left entirely alone, as you will be,
if your disconformity embarrasses
your neighbors; I wish I didn't keep forgetting that.